As previously explored here, trauma creates a tangled mess of emotions, sensations, thoughts and nervous system responses that is confusing, disorienting and can make you feel like you’re broken.
You are not.
Today I want to begin to answer the question What do I do to recover? Because after you accept that your experience is the result of trauma and that it doesn’t mean you are broken, the next logical step is to figure out what to do, and while there are many approaches to trauma out there, a couple of ways of working with trauma stand out. These approaches are the gold standard of trauma treatment.
Part 1 – Phases…
In her 1992 classic Trauma and Recovery Judith Herman broke recovery into three phases or stages. She said the following…
“Recovery unfolds in three stages. The central task of the first stage is the establishment of safety. The central task of the second stage is remembrance and mourning. The central focus of the third stage is reconnection with ordinary life.”
In my life and my work with survivors I think of these three phases as follows:
Phase 1 – Creating Safety
Phase 2 – Processing
Phase 3 – Integration and post-traumatic growth
I love Herman’s description, and for survivors and people who work with survivors her book is recommended reading, but I use these different terms for a couple of reasons. First of all, remembrance of traumatic events is not always needed in order to process them, what we need to process is the stored energy in the body (which I will explain next) and the thoughts and memories that arise on their own. For some, working back through memories may help, while others will have no memories or no clear memories and just an overwhelming sense of dread.
I use the terms integration and post-traumatic growth for phase three because, for survivors, the idea of reconnecting with ordinary life can seem strange or unreachable. What we do is to integrate the learning, the growth, the strength and the power that we have absorbed through surviving and we put it to work in the world in new ways. We unlock the energy of the trauma and use it in a positive direction. This all starts with the work of creating safety.
Phase 1 – Creating Safety
For trauma survivors the world can look and feel like a dangerous place, even when they are actually safe. With our nervous systems dialled up to 11 and scanning for danger we can be triggered into a trauma response by anything that rhymes with the trauma/s we have experienced, with many triggers operating below the level of conscious awareness so that you may not know why something was a trigger in the first place.
There is no way to pull apart the threads of this chaos without first finding a sense of safety inside our own skin, so the work of survivors begins with the creation of a safe place inside our very bodies.
A useful theory for understanding this is Polyvagal Theory, pioneered by Steven Porges, which divides the functions of the nervous system into three. These we can call the fight/flight system, the collapse/freeze system and the safe and secure system. These are not the terms used in Polyvagal Theory, but they will work for our purposes here.
You have no doubt experienced all three systems in your life. Fight/flight takes over fast when we are threatened by something, freeze/collapse is that sense of being unable to act or speak or intervene when something bad is happening and the safe and secure system is that space from which we can think clearly, act on purpose and make conscious choices about what we say and do.
Our first piece of work in recovering from trauma is developing the ability to keep that safe/secure system online, even when the other two systems are operating.
We begin this work by finding or creating a safe place inside that we can return to when we have been triggered.
Take a moment now to think of a person, place or something else that makes you feel safe. This could be a living or dead (or even fictional) person, it could be a place you have never been, it could even be a pet or an animal species you identify with safety.
If nothing comes to mind, try out some options. Picture the ocean, or the mountains, or a dog that protects you from harm, and see how your body responds. The creature or place may seem peaceful, or it may seem hostile, like a tiger stalking around the boundaries of your self, keeping predators at bay. Whatever works for you.
And if imagery doesn’t work well, you might feel the ground under your feet, sense the chair against your body, or clench your fists and feel the strength inside.
What we are seeking is a feeling of strength and safety, which could include a sense of anger, a readiness to fight, a willingness to be firm. Whatever feels strong and safe for you is what will work best.
Take a minute to put your attention into that safe place, being or sensation. Feel into it. Notice how you feel to be with it.
This can be done with a trusted friend, with a therapist or alone, as long as you feel safe to start this exploration by yourself. Go gently and take your time.
Our first task is to strengthen this safe place within, to spend a few minutes each day there, and to return to that place when we start to enter the tangle of thoughts and feelings that come out of fight/flight and/or freeze/collapse.
We are creating a base from which we will work through recovery, creating safety within the body and also recalibrating our nervous system (which is probably highly tuned towards threat identification) to slow down and take in a broader range of information when assessing safety.
In the next post, we will begin to explore the work of phase two, which I recommend doing with professional support. Until then, take a breath, feel your feet on the floor and look around. You are here, you have survived, and healing is possible.